Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Happy Birthday

Thought you might enjoy this one, a special friend forwarded it to me recently and thought it was the perfect birthday present to share.

I really think a person moved in without me knowing it and I believe she is here for life...... Please be careful. This person has found her way into my house and could also go to yours.

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude!

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone!

I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.

Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live!!! Under the circumstances – you will understand the lack of photos on this post.

8 comments:

Lori said...

oh ho ho!!! her twin sister just moved in with me:) she is even more evil than the one you got stuck with!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Tracy said...

Oh, this is funny! Happy Birthday to you! I hope your younger twin balances out the old lady--LOL! Hope you had a lovely day! ((HUGS))

Jill said...

Mandy,

Too cute!! I believe that old woman traveled from my house to yours...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Jill xo

happydays525 said...

So cute, thanks for sharing. And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! =) Hope you have a wonderful day!

Shirley Fyfe said...

*grin* - that is so very funny! Thanks for sharing it with us!

Best wishes for your birthday too - here's hoping you had a wonderful day!

Kahshe Cottager said...

Oh no ... it's already too late! She's here too!

Happy Birthday Mandy!!!

windy angels said...

too cool. :D Happy Birthday Mandy
I've left you an award to balance this new lady in your house.

Angels be with you,
Wendy

Storybook Woods said...

Oh my goodness how funny and unfortunately she lives in my house too. Happy belated birthday, I hope it was full of wishes and love. Clarice